I Wish

I wish the good memories flowed as easily as the bad ones. I wish that details of the millions of conversations I had with my mom were as easy to recall as are the feeling of hitting the cold hospital floor after my mom cried that she was “going to miss the baby.” I wish I didn’t have to struggle to remember my mom’s hug or strain to hear the sound of her voice in my head. I wish I didn’t have detailed flashbacks of conversations with doctors, signing a DNR, the hospice room, or the school bus that kept … Read more

Fuck Cancer

Say it with me.  FUCK CANCER! Yesterday morning I got an email from a fellow Susan G. Komen 3-day walker passing on the sad news that a fellow warrior in pink, Bridget Spence, lost her battle. She was 29.  TWENTY NINE.  Fuck Cancer. A woman on my Clickin Mom’s board posted that she was just diagnosed with breast cancer and is going in for a double mastectomy. She’s 30.  And has a two year old.  Fuck Cancer. A sorority sister posted on Facebook this morning that her principal lost her battle to cancer. She had young kids.  Fuck Cancer. I … Read more

Tricks of the Mind

This morning, like most mornings, the boys climbed into bed with me and we all fell back to sleep. As I started to wake up I thought gee, I haven’t talked to mom in a few days. Then I thought, when was the last time, not yesterday – I must have called her on her birthday. And just as that thought floated through my mind reality started to break in.  Things started to come back into focus and the first hazy thoughts of consciousness turned to clarity. That clarity also brought a new wave of sadness.  A wave that was … Read more

Tough Questions

Last night I was cleaning up the kitchen after putting the boys to bed.   Sam was up to his usual stalling tactics. “I need more water.” “Please put my blanket back on.” “Can I have a book.” Matt was in there for the third time and as I turned off the water in the sink I heard Sam asking about Grandma Linda and where she was. We’ve talked about her with the boys just like we talk about their other grandparents.  We tell them how much she loves them and we talk about things she gave us and show them … Read more