And Just Like that I'm Right Back Where I Started

I am going up to NJ next weekend to help clean out my Mom and Dad’s house. Honestly, since my mom died it’s so hard to be there.  And despite how well I think I’m doing on a day to day basis I feel myself slipping as the weekend gets closer. This is hard to write because I feel so guilty for feeling this way.  I feel like I should be in a better place by now.  And I worry that these feelings will hurt my family’s feelings which is the last thing I would want to do. My anxiety … Read more

Seeking Inspiration

A couple of weeks ago I spent some time adding new bloggers to my twitter feed and daily reading list.  One has cancer, one’s sister died, one is a recovering addict, one is a struggling single mom, one’s husband is on deployment.  The list goes on. As I thought about this the other day my initial reaction was – gee Amanda, you seem to be spending a lot of time reading about other’s misfortunes.  And I contemplated stopping.  Was I looking for others who felt despair?  Was I comparing my struggles with their struggles?  Was I looking for a reason … Read more

I Interrupt this Regularly Scheduled Blog Post

I’m pretty excited about today!  Why? You may ask. Well, because I’m making my guest blogger debut over at Merelymothers. I’ve been totally loving having this outlet to pour my heart into.  It’s helped me process, helped me stay honest with myself, motivated me to keep training and generated a fair amount of donations for breast cancer research.  So when the opportunity to share my heart with another audience came I was both excited and kind of petrified. It’s pretty safe here.  Most the folks that read my blog know me.  They send encouraging words or at least bite their … Read more

Unwelcome Memories

It’s been a while since a memory has snuck up and smacked me across the face. It use to happen all the time.  I think it was my brain’s way of processing something that it never imagined having to process. What on earth are you talking about Amanda? When my mom got very sick I rushed home to be at her side.  We didn’t know how long she had.  Hours? Days?  No one really knew but we knew it was BAD.  Very very bad.  I spent the next 2 weeks at her side in the hospital.  There were some good … Read more

Faith, and God, and the Meaning of Life – Where do I Start?

One of the things I’ve really wanted to work on lately is my faith. I read this post today.  She talks about always feeling carried by a higher being but not knowing how to help someone get there.  And I get that. In my life, I had always felt carried, protected, loved, understood by something higher.  For me that something higher was understood through a Roman Catholic context but for right here, right now I’m just going to call it something higher.  Something external from myself and from this earthly world.  And this higher power carried me through a fair … Read more