All about Will – My Surprise Blessing

Will was . . . how shall we say it . . . an unexpected blessing.  In the first few months after I found out I was pregnant I said that over and over and over again trying to convince myself it was true. The fact is I was up to my ears in a rambunctious 7 month old named Sam and the thought of adding another baby to the chaos that was our life was overwhelming.  But while I was struggling to make peace with the timing I celebrated the baby inside me.  While my sleep deprived brain tried … Read more

Another Milestone

Today I did something most women my age have not done . . . I had my first mammogram.  Because my mom was diagnosed at 47 doctors had long recommended that I start early screenings at the age of 30.  When her breast cancer metastasized the doctors insisted upon it.   However, I have been pregnant or breastfeeding for the last two years and this is the first week since my 30th birthday that I was allowed to be screened.  I made the first appointment available.  Since I am one of the first of my friends to have a mammogram let … Read more

My Mom's battle – My War

Tuesday night, my teammates girlfriends and I attended the Susan G. Komen 3 Day Get started meeting. I think we all walked away moved and energized by our mission to make a difference in the fight against breast cancer.  Committed to waging war against this enemy!  I also walked away, having heard the very personal stories of women battling for their life and those that lost.  One particular story so closely mirrored my mom’s that I almost lost my breath.  As I listened to the story of this mom’s struggle I was moved to tell my own mom’s story.   A … Read more

A Little Peace

I haven’t written much the last couple of weeks.  The holiday’s exhausted me – in a wonderfully joyful way.  This is the third Christmas I have spent without my mom.  It was the first Christmas that I was able to embrace as my own. The last three years we have hosted Christmas, in one form or another at my house.  There are many reasons. New babies, pregnancy, having my babies wake up in their own beds and discover Santa in their own home.  But mostly because being in my mom’s home, without my mom, on Christmas is something I’m just … Read more

Filling the Void

My mom’s death left a huge void in my life.  A gaping hole that I thought was going to swallow me whole.  The void was tangible.  I had hours in my day that I use to fill by talking with her.  Hours that were now empty.  The void was also intangible the lost memories, lost dreams, lost hopes.  In the months (years) after I lost her, there were many days I thought I lost myself too. I struggled desperately to fill the void. To fill that time.  To replace lost memories, dreams and hopes.  I repeatedly reached for people to … Read more