Category Archives: grief

Letting Go

  By Amanda | May 21, 2012 - 10:46 pm | , , ,
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When my mom passed away she left a lot of stuff.  A LOT of stuff.  Too much stuff! I knew my mom had an affinity for garage sales and TJ Maxx and Marshalls and specialty food stores and Lord and Taylors and well you get the picture.  She liked to shop.  It was something we all knew.  It was something we would tease her about from time to time.  But I don’t think the full magnitude of her shopping sunk in until she was gone.  I spent this weekend cleaning out my parent’s house.  Trying to get it ready to … Read more →

This week – It's hard!

  By Amanda | April 30, 2012 - 11:20 pm | , , ,
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This week is hard.   I’m trying to find the words for where I am right now but I’m at a loss.  The memories of three years ago haunt me.  They feel more real right now.   Three years ago.  It feels like an eternity and a second at the same time.  It feels like forever ago that I last got to hug my mom.  It feels like ages since I heard her voice.  And at the same moment I cannot believe everything that has happened since I lost her.  All the moments she hasn’t been here to share.  And … Read more →

Emily's Question

  By Amanda | April 24, 2012 - 3:14 pm | , , , , ,
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I recently wrote this post over at Merelymothers.  Emily left a comment and asked me to write about how I got through the toughest times and if I have any tips or ideas for facing such a loss.  Emily shared that her mom has been diagnosed with Early Onset Alzheimers Disease. Emily, if you are reading this, first let me say that I am so sorry that you and your mother have to face this.  And thank you for reaching out.  Loss is such a hard and lonely process.  It’s so very personal and no one will ever experience loss … Read more →

She's Up then She's Down

  By Amanda | April 17, 2012 - 12:39 pm | , , ,
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My mood swings have been epic this last week.  I’m like a total Katy Perry song.  Have I ever told you that Sam looooooves Katy Perry.  When he was a new born California Girls could get him to stop crying. Now his favorite Sesame Street video is the banned Katy Perry video (Yup, hand over that Parent of the Year award)!  Anyway, where was I. Oh, yes, my mood swings.  One minute I’m on the floor playing with the boys, the next minute I’m curled up in a ball crying.  One minute I’m laughing, the next minute I’m ready to … Read more →

And Just Like that I'm Right Back Where I Started

  By Amanda | April 15, 2012 - 1:47 am | , , , ,
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I am going up to NJ next weekend to help clean out my Mom and Dad’s house. Honestly, since my mom died it’s so hard to be there.  And despite how well I think I’m doing on a day to day basis I feel myself slipping as the weekend gets closer. This is hard to write because I feel so guilty for feeling this way.  I feel like I should be in a better place by now.  And I worry that these feelings will hurt my family’s feelings which is the last thing I would want to do. My anxiety … Read more →