The Dance

My brother will never dance with my mom at his wedding.It’s weird how that is one of the things that resonates so strongly with me.  That thought first hit me when my mom was laying in the hospital during her last days, and it has come back to me often. A moment.  That will never be.  Lost.I’ve cried for that lost moment many times.   Dancing with Joe at my wedding My brother, Joseph’s relationship with my mom was very different than mine.  They didn’t talk every day.  They drove each other simultaneously crazy.  My mom with her hovering, my … Read more

Letting Go

When my mom passed away she left a lot of stuff.  A LOT of stuff.  Too much stuff! I knew my mom had an affinity for garage sales and TJ Maxx and Marshalls and specialty food stores and Lord and Taylors and well you get the picture.  She liked to shop.  It was something we all knew.  It was something we would tease her about from time to time.  But I don’t think the full magnitude of her shopping sunk in until she was gone.  I spent this weekend cleaning out my parent’s house.  Trying to get it ready to … Read more

This week – It's hard!

This week is hard.   I’m trying to find the words for where I am right now but I’m at a loss.  The memories of three years ago haunt me.  They feel more real right now.   Three years ago.  It feels like an eternity and a second at the same time.  It feels like forever ago that I last got to hug my mom.  It feels like ages since I heard her voice.  And at the same moment I cannot believe everything that has happened since I lost her.  All the moments she hasn’t been here to share.  And … Read more

Emily's Question

I recently wrote this post over at Merelymothers.  Emily left a comment and asked me to write about how I got through the toughest times and if I have any tips or ideas for facing such a loss.  Emily shared that her mom has been diagnosed with Early Onset Alzheimers Disease. Emily, if you are reading this, first let me say that I am so sorry that you and your mother have to face this.  And thank you for reaching out.  Loss is such a hard and lonely process.  It’s so very personal and no one will ever experience loss … Read more

She's Up then She's Down

My mood swings have been epic this last week.  I’m like a total Katy Perry song.  Have I ever told you that Sam looooooves Katy Perry.  When he was a new born California Girls could get him to stop crying. Now his favorite Sesame Street video is the banned Katy Perry video (Yup, hand over that Parent of the Year award)!  Anyway, where was I. Oh, yes, my mood swings.  One minute I’m on the floor playing with the boys, the next minute I’m curled up in a ball crying.  One minute I’m laughing, the next minute I’m ready to … Read more